The sun was already tucked away from the progressively stronger cool air, so people gathered and lit candles.
The crowd had gathered at Memorial Park’s bandshell the evening of Oct. 20 in downtown Oshawa for one event to remember youth lost to bullying, to bring awareness to a concern and to inspire hope for those being victimized.
Every four minutes an LGBTQ youth considers taking his or her own life. This event brought awareness to show that there is support in these challenging times.
An Evening of Hope both asked and responded to these questions.
The night landed near the anniversaries of the deaths of Shaquille Wisdom and Christopher Skinner. It came days after the suicide of 15-year-old Jamie Hubley, son of Ottawa councillor Allan Hubley. The teen took his life after being bullied for being homosexual.
Wisdom took his life four years earlier to the date. The 13-year-old Ajax student hung himself after months of relentless bullying and a day after being shoved into a garbage can.
Skinner was murdered Oct. 18, 2009 at the age of 27. He was struck and run over by an SUV in Toronto.
Shayne Traviss and Garrett Metcalfe co-hosted the event, which was presented by PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) Durham Region and the Durham Distress Centre.
Ontario Power Generation, Durham College’s LGBTQ Centre, Oshawa Youth Council and CAW chapter 222 had tents set up, as did PFLAG and the Durham Distress Centre. The information booths lined the event perimeters. They offered pamphlets, bracelets, buttons and literature and accepted donations for PFLAG. Mad Cafe, a downtown Oshawa eatery, donated purple icing cupcakes for an evening sugar rush.
“Different organizations have come together to stop bullying,” said Brad Short over the sound of children playing in the grass.
Short revealed he had difficulties when he came out, and that he’s seen enough of people taking their own lives due to bullying. He manned the subliminal message bag table. Guests were invited to write messages on paper bags. Messages ranged from commemorating the loss of a loved one to letting those suffering know that they are loved. The bags had candles inside and were later lit and put on display on stage, joining other candlelit bags for lives lost. Members of the Oshawa Youth Council kept the candles lit throughout the ceremony.
Videos of bullied youth were shown, speaking of losing family and friends, haunting quotes such as:
“I’ve been spit on while walking in the park.”
Oshawa city councillor and Durham College graduate and former SA president Amy England was one of the first to speak. Emotional and teary-eyed she spoke of how she was bullied while younger. She shared a story of asking her mom what being gay meant. Her mother had asked England what it was like when she was around a boy she liked; she asked if there were butterflies. England said yes, and her mother explained how those butterflies were not reserved for the affections of the opposite sex, that no one is in charge of who stirs those feelings.
Clarington’s mayor Adrian Foster also spoke “to those who lost a voice in their family.”
Durham District School Board superintendent Mark Joel took the stage to describe the evening as exciting and energetic.
“As a parent you move from excitement to remorse,” he said. He urged parents and teachers to play an active role in the rise against bullying.
“Change begins with the adults and continues with the youth.”
Durham Alternative Secondary School shot a music video to let bullied youth know things get better.
Brittany Légère stepped on stage to recite a poem she wrote while walking in the cold, hands balled up inside her mittens. The poem, titled Thyme, was a crowd pleaser. Her mother, Cathy, was proudly in attendance.
With the end of the ceremony came thanks for braving the evening’s cold and an invitation to Oshawa’s Out Lounge and Eatery for half-off wings and good company.
Barb Bryan of the Student Association Women’s Centre was in attendance.
“I thought An Evening of Hope was very successful and heartwarming,” Bryan said.
“There were even more people than last year when it was held in Ajax. I think it shows how much the LGBTQ community in Durham is growing and moving forward. It was also great to see allies out and speaking, as homophobic bullying affects us all, not just members of the LGBTQ community.”
Nineteen years ago PFLAG consisted of five people. Now it has more than 2000 members and supporters.
The Durham Distress Centre began Prideline Durham this summer. Those in need of emotional support and crisis intervention can call 1-855-87-PRIDE (77433)
THYME by Brittany Légère
When you grab my mittened hands and you cannot find my fingers, my hands are formed into a fist, and I can give you no comfort.
I have seen so much in this life, and I have felt so much in this heart, that sometimes I cannot give. Sometimes I cannot see any of your good luck charms. Like your eyes. Or your smile.
My childhood was no different than yours, I grew up happy, I grew up at home. I have no special tales to tell, and I have no memories of gold, for I have rusted.
I have rusted and combusted and been bruised and used and I no longer have the patience for this impatience that I've succumbed to.
I feel.
I've felt,
and I will feel
war,
bloodier than you've ever imagined before, so horrid that some tales won't be told to this world
who knows battle cries,
and no longer the innocence of … children's eyes.
It is winter in my soul.
I have felt a billion colds to their core, and so I have made fists inside of my mittens. I am not scared, only fighting. Clenching for fear that I could pass this on.
And yet, the show must go on.
I have battled my battles, I have erased my scars. I have scraped off the gravel and strengthened the tar that holds it all, piecing me back together.
And I have never felt better. Would I take back those nights? No! Would I take back those fights? No!
because just like you, I was planted in the ground, and you reap what you sow, so I
decided to grow into a species that nobody knows.
I ignore your society. Don't go looking in stores, there is nowhere you can buy me, for I am free. I am the femininity you are afraid to show and the masculinity you will never know and when I speak, I speak fountains of experience, personal growth,
Ready to take those mittened hands and hold another as warm as the fire in my heart.
It is up to you when those fists come out.
If you don't want to get on my bad side, then show me the good, show me this world needs no fists in mittens, needs no bloody war.
Let's prove to them. As simple as it is, that all we need is my hand in yours.
Unclench your fist, for we are new.
And there is nothing.
Nothing, that this world cannot give you.
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